Zachary Earl Smith

Today I was retold the story of a truly Herculean feat of such epic proportions, that it defies imagination. This truly heroic deed dwarfed anything Achilles, Odysseus, or any of Homer’s heroes ever achieved in their life times. What feat am I referring to, a feat that has all the Gods of Olympus on bended knee in awe, a feat that hath the power to even raise great Titans. You may even ask what God or Angel is such a hero descended from, and we would reply none. This is what makes this truly epic, as this feat was performed by a mere mortal, a son man and not of any ethereal being. No amount of hype could possibly begin to quantify the sheer scope of the immensity of this truly awe inspiring sight. I mean the shock and awe of the sight of an ordinary man eating oysters, that’s right, oysters. We aren’t talking about few oysters though, not even a lot, but a sum of such humongous proportions that not even boldest of the Greek heroes would have dared to attempt. A sum of such vastness that even the planets and the heavens stopped where they stood to pay homage. How many oysters are we talking about, not a dozen, not even two dozen. How many oysters would a mere mortal have to eat to rise to this challenge, three dozen perhaps, no. How about six dozen, that’s right folks, 72 oysters consumed in one sitting, seventy-two, nearly three-quarters of the way to a hundred.  Such a man could singlehandedly render the species extinct with little effort, let the world tremble, and let generations retell this story that it may live on in the history of history.

Love you Dad, seriously though, the next time you are suddenly taken with such a crazy urge please, please get photos. This is truly epic, maybe even insane, but the line is often to close to tell. I am looking forward to seeing you and Mom in a few weeks.

This is an absolutely true story, as my father in fact consumed 72 oysters in a single sitting. I thought eating seven lobsters was pretty good, but this totally tops that and my Pops totally deserves mad props. Keep it real.

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